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Jokes
Jan 15, 2005 12:35:34 GMT -5
Post by valleytech36 on Jan 15, 2005 12:35:34 GMT -5
Q: Why didn't Chief Jennings across the road to get to the structure fire? A: Because he parked his vehicle in front of the building.
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Jokes
Jan 17, 2005 22:44:04 GMT -5
Post by flash97 on Jan 17, 2005 22:44:04 GMT -5
Thats not a joke, thats the way all fire chiefs do it. ha ha ;D ;D
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Jokes
Jan 17, 2005 23:12:07 GMT -5
Post by canton1 on Jan 17, 2005 23:12:07 GMT -5
Well, both of you losers are wrong. I parked INTO the building
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Jan 18, 2005 5:34:57 GMT -5
Post by gizmo2 on Jan 18, 2005 5:34:57 GMT -5
Yap he parks into buildings, and I have to fix them. Smile Chief ;D ;D
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Jan 19, 2005 6:29:40 GMT -5
Post by valleytech36 on Jan 19, 2005 6:29:40 GMT -5
I parked INTO the building It's that why your department got all that water on that new tanker, so you can park inside and open all the dump values on 2 Tanker 6 and put out the fire!
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Jan 19, 2005 10:23:28 GMT -5
Post by gizmo2 on Jan 19, 2005 10:23:28 GMT -5
Yep thats why we call it the super tanker ;D
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Jan 19, 2005 20:04:49 GMT -5
Post by FIREFIGHTER16 on Jan 19, 2005 20:04:49 GMT -5
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA IM SORRY GUYS THAT WAS FUNNY ;D
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Jan 19, 2005 21:37:45 GMT -5
Post by gizmo2 on Jan 19, 2005 21:37:45 GMT -5
Well Thad what do you guys have ?
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Jokes
Jan 24, 2005 5:36:40 GMT -5
Post by valleytech36 on Jan 24, 2005 5:36:40 GMT -5
RANK DEFINITIONS FOR A FIRE DEPARTMENT
Chief: Leaps short building with a single bound. Is more powerful than a ladder truck. Is faster than a speeding bullet. Walks on water. Gives policy to God.
Assistant Chief: Leaps short building with a single bound. Is more powerful than a pumper. Is just as fast as a speeding bullet. Walks on water if sea is calm. talks with god.
Deputy Chief: Leaps short building with a running start and favorable winds. Is almost as powerful as a pumper. Is faster than a speeding BB. Walks on water in indoor swimming pools. Talk with God if special request is approved.
Engineer: Barely clears Quonset huts. loses tug-of-war with pumper. Can fire a speeding bullet. Swims well. Is occasionally addressed by God.
Captain: Makes high marks on buildings when trying to leap them. Is run over by a pumper. Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury. dog paddles in swimming pools. Talks with animals.
Lieutenant: Runs into buildings when trying to leap them. Recognizes pumpers two out of three times. Is not allowed to use guns. Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of a life jacket. Talks to walls.
Sergeant: Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings. Points and says, "look at the pretty fire engine". Wets himself with a water pistol. Plays in mud puddles. mumbles to himself.
Firefighter: Lifts buildings and walks under them. Kicks fire engines and equipment out of his way. Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them. freezes water with a single glance. He is God.
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Jan 24, 2005 19:58:41 GMT -5
Post by CMTMedic on Jan 24, 2005 19:58:41 GMT -5
A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please." The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog's mouth, there is a ten dollar note. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes. The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following. The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and sits on one of the seats to wait for the bus. Along comes a bus. The dog walks to the front of the bus, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on. The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus. The bus travels thru town and out to the suburbs. Eventually the dog gets up, moves to the front of the bus, and standing on his hind legs, pushes the button to stop the bus. The dog gets off, the bag still in his mouth, and the butcher still following. They walk down the road, and the dog approaches a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door. He goes back down the path, takes another run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door again! There's no answer at the door, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden.He gets to a window, and bangs his head against it several times. He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as the local fire chief opens the door, and starts laying into the dog, really yelling at him. The butcher runs up and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? This dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for God's sake!" To which the chief responds, "Clever, my foot! This is the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"
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Jan 27, 2005 20:48:55 GMT -5
Post by FIREFIGHTER16 on Jan 27, 2005 20:48:55 GMT -5
THATS NICE ;D
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9Wacker1
Full Member
Wacker - and proud of it!
Posts: 54
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Jokes
Feb 2, 2005 10:14:52 GMT -5
Post by 9Wacker1 on Feb 2, 2005 10:14:52 GMT -5
As the local fire chief and his dog walked into the bar, the bartender says to him, "You can't bring that dog in here! It's against the rules." The chief says, "This is a special breed, he can talk!" The barkeep replies, "If you can prove that, I'll not only let him stay but give you free drinks on the house." The chief looked down at his dog and asks, "What's on top of a house?" "Roof" the dog barks. "What does sandpaper feel like?" "Ruff" comes the reply. "Who was the greatest baseball player ever?" "Ruth" answers the dog. The bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door. As they roll into the street, the dog looks at the chief and says, "Mickey Mantle?"
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Jokes
Feb 6, 2005 1:45:48 GMT -5
Post by valleytech36 on Feb 6, 2005 1:45:48 GMT -5
The Hunting Trip
Three firefighter went out on a hunting trip. There was a rookie, a captain, and a chief. The weather was miserable and they hadn't seen any deer all day. Finally they came across an old shack where they went inside to play a game of poker. After loosing a couple of hands, the rookie threw down his cards and said "That does it! I am going out to get me a deer." Fifteen minutes later, the rookie came back with a nice four point buck. The captain and the chief asked, "How did you get that?" The rookie replied, "I walked out fifty feet, followed some tracks and shot this buck." The captain then said, "I've had enough of this I am going to get my deer." He came back a half hour later with a 6 point buck. The chief asked, "How did you get that?" The captain then replied, I walked out a hundred feet, followed some tracks and shot this buck. The chief not wanting to be out done said, "I'm out of here, I'm going to bag the biggest buck of the day." He came back an hour later, all mangled up and bloody. The rookie and the captain asked, "What happened to you?" The chief replied, "I walked out there five hundred feet, followed some tracks, and got hit by a TRAIN!!!
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GVEMS30
Full Member
"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new." - Albert Einstein
Posts: 75
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Jokes
Nov 19, 2005 12:54:10 GMT -5
Post by GVEMS30 on Nov 19, 2005 12:54:10 GMT -5
www.improbable.com/ig/ig-pastwinners.html#ig2005MEDICINE: Gregg A. Miller of Oak Grove, Missouri, for inventing Neuticles -- artificial replacement testicles for dogs, which are available in three sizes, and three degrees of firmness. REFERENCES: US Patent #5868140, and the book Going Going NUTS!, by Gregg A. Miller, PublishAmerica, 2004, ISBN 1413753167. ACCEPTING: The winner was unable to travel, and delivered his acceptance speech via video.
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Jokes
Jan 16, 2006 15:54:31 GMT -5
Post by 911wacker on Jan 16, 2006 15:54:31 GMT -5
If large breasted woman work at HOOTERS, then where do one legged woman work............
IHOP
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